Ask Sara: As an Asian Foreign Guy How Can I Meet Japanese Women?

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On November 10, 2016
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Our resident love-in-Japan writer Sara Who answers your questions on everything from dating rules to finding a partner to love, marriage and more. Got a question you’d like to ask Sara? Email it to editorial@gplusmedia.com.

This week’s reader struggles to meet Japanese women and feels it might be because of his ethnicity.

How can I compete?

Hi Sara,

As an Asian guy (with intermediate level Japanese) in Japan how do I go about dating Japanese women?

If you’re a non-Asian guy (as in obviously foreign-looking) then often times you can take advantage of the attention to create connections and friendships, even with suboptimal Japanese ability. But as an Asian, you blend in, and at least on some superficial level you’re competing against the entire native population – though you lack the communication skills. How do I create that first encounter opportunity?

Thank you.

– Dejected Dater

Hi there,

I think it all comes down to the way you market yourself. As you said, even though you are Asian, you are not Japanese, so try to go for girls that are interested in foreign guys. In some ways, they’re likely to be more open-minded than conservative women who might not give you a chance – not because of the way you look – but simply because your culture is different.

This would definitely help with the language barrier as well. You did not mention your ethnicity or where you grew up, but I’m sure if you go to international parties, you can meet someone who’s going to be interested in you or your background. Be proactive. Join a group or club catering to foreigners in Japan. There are plenty!

It’s true some people have a type, but I’d say most girls would not limit themselves to one nationality or skin color.

If you haven’t done so already, why not try online dating? It’s true some people have a type, but I’d say most girls would not limit themselves to one nationality or skin color.

I know I usually find Asian men more attractive, but I would certainly not turn down an attractive non-Asian man with a great personality. I think you have a point when you say foreign guys might have it easier when they fit the stereotype, but in the end, looks are not everything. A good personality will keep us interested. Be proactive and don’t hesitate to approach a woman you like!

Love, Sara

What do you think? Is it harder to meet Japanese women as an Asian guy? Does ethnicity factor into things on a superficial level? Got any tips for meeting people in Japan? Let us know in the comments and make sure to come back next week when Sara will answer more of your questions!

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Intercultural explorer, matchmaking choreographer, dating in Tokyo since 2011.

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  • Alex W.K. says:

    From my experience as an Asian guy dating Japanese girls. Most Japanese girls like silent and introvert guy, I don’t know why also funny guy, I have both personally as well. You do not need do anything just be still and talk less, she will be automatically attract to you and want to get to know you more. What I like about Japanese girl is that she tend to give you chocolate on Valentine Day, bring you candy and take good care of you compared to other Asian women I met. I feel that Japanese are more comfortable toward other Asian and doesn’t treat like a “Gaijin”. Other the hand, many of my Western friends never ended up the relationship well with Japanese because of their boastfulness and loud voice.

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