Ask Sara: How Can I Find Lasting Love?

On November 19, 2016

Our resident love-in-Japan writer Sara Who answers your questions on everything from dating rules to finding a partner to love, marriage and more. Got a question you’d like to ask Sara? Email it to

Find me somebody to love


First off, I’ll give a little background information about myself. I am a college senior studying Japanese, Asian studies and some computer-related fields. I’m a shy person in public; I don’t drink or smoke. I just spent four months in Nagasaki as part of my mandatory study abroad — I currently reside in the U.S. I have been trying to find a girlfriend but it seems like whenever I meet a nice girl that I’m interested in she either has a boyfriend or hurts me emotionally if I tell her that I like her.

All I want in life is to live a nice quiet life with someone to love and be loved by. I am always nice and caring, so I don’t know why girls refuse to give me a chance.

I would love to date a Japanese girl, as I think they are pretty and always interesting to talk to. If you could possibly help me out here with some advice, I would really appreciate it.

– Lovelorn in America

Hey there,

You didn’t mention where in the U.S. you are, but I am sure there must be language exchange events around you. I met many people that way when I was in college. You said you are quite shy in public, so try to go with a friend, preferably female. If you see someone you like, ask her to help you out! That’s the best way to get introduced to people.

Japanese people studying in the U.S. are usually eager to know more about American culture, so if you’d like to know a girl better, offer to take her sightseeing, give her free English lessons or invite her for a home-cooked meal at your place. A piece of advice: invite one or two friends along at first, so the girl won’t automatically assume you’re interested in her. If she seems to like you back, then try inviting her on a proper date.

Online dating could also be another option. There’s less pressure and you can take things slow. Do read my article about online dating in Japan. While mostly aimed at people already living here, the apps and websites listed would be a good place to start. You seem to be a sweet and sensitive guy. I’m sure there’s a lovely girl for you out there!

Love, Sara

Got any tips for our reader on finding a girlfriend? What do Japanese girls find attractive in a partner? Let us know in the comments and make sure to come back next week when Sara will answer more of your questions!


Intercultural explorer, matchmaking choreographer, dating in Tokyo since 2011.

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  • scuttlepants says:

    “I am always nice and caring, so I don’t know why girls refuse to give me a chance.”
    Without trying to be deliberately offensive, maybe they’re not interested. They have no obligation to be interested in dating you.

    Also while I don’t know you thus won’t make assumptions, be careful of the “I’m a nice guy” line- many women have seen and had too many “I’m a nice guy” followed by “Whatever you stupid b!tch, think you’re too good for me” in dating conversations. For me personally, “nice guy” can make me wary!

    Good luck.

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