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Tweet of the Week #107: Twitter Elects Crappiest Home Of The Year

What do the worst homes in japan look like?

By 4 min read

Feel like living in your tiny Tokyo apartment isn’t easy? Be lucky your toilet isn’t next to your bed or worse. When it comes to nightmarish apartment layouts and other horrifically hilarious home design, Japan is a strong contender for the best of the worst housing ever.

Since 2017, Japanese folks on Twitter elect the most ridiculous living space of the year by sharing perplexing ads, awkward layouts and weird toilet placements using the hashtag #クソ物件オブザイヤー, or “crappiest apartments of the year.”

エントリー開始かいしは11/16(げつ)7:30から!みんな、この週末しゅうまつきまくれー!!

“Entry starts at 7:30 on Monday, November 16th! Everyone, write this weekend!”

Here are our favorite entries for 2020.

Classic perplexing layout

ひろ画像がぞうだけどこれかなぁ…

“Just an image I’ve picked up [online]…”

This (probably fake) apartment layout has been shared for years and regularly shows up on Japanese Twitter. It isn’t so bad, but I think anyone using theトイレ (toilet) is going to feel a bit vulnerable.

A kitchen perfect for skinny people

絶対ぜったいふとりたくないひとにオススメ!

ウエスト30センチ以下いかキープしないと料理りょうりできません(白目)しろめ

“Recommended for those who never want to get fat! You can’t cook unless you keep your waist under 30 cm or less (rolling eyes).”

In Japanese, 白目 (shirome) means “the white of one’s eye,” and is used in social media posts to express that someone is rolling their eyes with disbelief.

An apartment with a surprise

だれかこの部屋へやがなんなのかおしえてくれ

“Someone tell me what this room is!”

Would you spend the night here?

広島ひろしま旅行りょこうったときつけたコレ。

ク○物件ぶっけんうよりも東洋とうよう秘密ひみつだ。

“This is what I found when I went on a trip to Hiroshima. Rather than a crappy property, it’s a mystery of the orient.”

An apartment for long-lasting love

あい長続ながつづきする間取まどり】

アップルタワー東京とうきょうキャナルコートのプレミアム部屋。おづきいただけただろうか。ウォークインクローゼットからしかアクセスできないシャワーしつ、トイレ、納戸なんどを。デリバリーしても、プレイちゅう本妻ほんさいかえってきても安心あんしん。これぞ愛が長続きする間取り

[Lasting love floor plan]
“A premium room at Apple Tower Tokyo Canal Court. Did you notice? The shower room, toilet and storage room can only be accessed from the walk-in closet. You’ll be safe even if your (legal) wife comes home when you’re having fun with a lady guest. This is a layout for lasting love.”

In this context, デリバリー is referring to a call girl.

When you see it

【エッシャーのだましハウス新築分譲しんちくぶんじょう

この画像をみて115秒じゅうごびょう以内いない状況じょうきょう理解りかいできたあなたの不動産ふどうさんIQは120です。

[Escher’s deception picture of a newly built house for sale]

“Your real estate IQ is 120 if you can see the situation within 15 seconds by looking at this image.”

Oh, shoot

The best entry has to be this kitchen invaded by a bamboo tree. It even made it on the news in Japan. Nature is quick to take over buildings left behind. In this case, it only took a month for this bamboo to spout through the floor. We may see even more crazy instances of nature taking over houses sometime soon, as Japan is going through an abandoned house epidemic. Currently, nearly one out of seven houses in Japan is an akiya, or vacant home.

たけがフローリングやぶる】

祖父母そふぼ実家じっか1ヶ月いっかげつぶりに行ったらフローリング突き破って竹がえていた。この竹事件じけんがキッカケでTBS Nスタで全国ぜんこく放送ほうそうデビュー、家族かぞくおよ身内みうち全員ぜんいんに”竹バズり“としていじられ、ときひとならぬ竹の人となりました

[Bamboo breaks through the flooring]

“When I went to my grandparents’ house for the first time in a month, Bamboo had broken through the flooring and grew. This bamboo incident made its national broadcast debut on TBS (Tokyo Broadcasting Station). Family members and relatives teased me for making a buzz with Bamboo, making me not the man of the hour but the bamboo man.”

The author is making a word game with 時の人, or “person of the hour” and 竹の人, “bamboo man.”

If you’d like to read some more, here’s the hashtag to find them all:
#クソ物件オブザイヤー2020.

How to use ぶり (buri) in Japanese

Ohisashiburidesu!

Does ぶり ring a bell? If you’re an anime fan or a Japanese language learner, you’re probably spotting a resemblance with 久(ひさ)しぶり which translates to “long time no see.”

You say 久しぶり or, more politely, お久しぶりです, when you encounter people you haven’t seen in a while.

“Buri” is also a suffix that means “long it has been since~” in Japanese. The suffix works with periods, such as days, months or years.

Pay attention to 日, which is a Japanese counter.

3日みっかぶり = for the first time in 3 days

1ヶ月ぶり = It’s been 1 month since…

何年なんねんぶり~ = How many years (have passed) since~? (or “when was the last time~”)

Pay attention to 日, which is a Japanese counter. The reading か or にち differ depending on what ‘type’ of days you’re referring to – counting them or referring to the calendar. Here’s how you should read them whenever you want to refer to a period of days with ぶり:

  • 1日いちにち
  • 2日ふつか
  • 3日みっか
  • 4日よっか
  • 5日いつか
  • 6日むいか
  • 7日なのか
  • 8日ようか
  • 9日ここのか
  • 10日とうか

From the decimals, the reading is にち with the regular numbers:

  • 11日じゅういちにち
  • 12日じゅうににち
  • Etc…

With a couple of minor exceptions:

  • 14日じゅうよっか
  • 20日はつか

Vocabulary

Japanese Romaji English
物件ぶっけん bukken property
東洋とうよう touyou Orient
本妻ほんさい honsai legal wife
新築分譲しんちくぶんじょう shinchiku bunjyou newly built property for sale
やぶ
tsukiyaburu break, poke through
祖父母そふぼ sofubo grandparent
える haeru grow

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