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Tweet of the Week #130: Man Gets Stuck On a Bidet

We can't even trust the toilets now?

By 2 min read

If you live in Japan, you’ve probably experienced how well a high-tech bidet is at pampering our butts. There are more options and features than you can typically expect. However, their multifunction panels are sometimes anxiety-inducing if you aren’t comfortable with Japanese or even tech-savvy. Thankfully, a good Japanese toilet guide will save you from an embarrassing moment or flooding the floor such as seen below.

Trust us. Once you’ve experienced a bidet’s automatic heated seat and shower that has your behind feeling squeaky clean, you can never really go back to plain old toilet paper. Why the whole world has not embraced washlet technology yet is a mystery. 

Unfortunately, not all is perfect with the world of smart toilets, especially as technology is getting more advanced. Just ask user @YASUDAjumpei, who found himself stuck and contemplating if this was the beginning of humanity’s war with the machines.

Rise of the machines

海老名えびなSAのトイレはWindowsタブで操作そうさするハイテクトイレだが、しりってめようとおもったら再起動さいきどうとかいってブラックアウトして、そのあいだ、尻を洗いっぱなし。このまま尻を洗われつづけてがることもできない人生じんせいかと不安ふあんになった。AIが暴走ぼうそうしてうことかなくなる近未来きんみらい恐怖きょうふ体験たいけんした気分きぶん

“The toilet at Ebina SA (a well-known service area on the Tomei Expressway, Kanagawa) is a high-tech Windows-operated version. After washing my butt, I tried to stop the shower, but it rebooted and the screen blacked out while the spray kept washing me. Unable to stand because of the shower, I became anxious about life. I feel like I’ve experienced the dread of the near future when AI goes out of control.”

How to use っぱなし

Mizu o dashi-ppanashi ni shinaide kudasai.

You add the suffix ぱなし to a verb stem to express that something has been left in a certain condition, in use or turned on—typically—unintentionally.

玄関げんかんのドアがけっぱなしだ = “The entrance door has been left open.”

トイレの電気でんきがつけっぱなしでした = “The light had been left on in the toilet.”

みずを出しっぱなしにしないでください= “Don’t leave the water running.”

彼女かのじょ7時間しちじかんちぱなしだった = “She stood for seven hours.”

Vocabulary

Japanese Romaji English
操作そうさする sousa suru Operate
ハイテクトイレ haiteku toire High tech toilet
再起動さいきどう saikidou Reboot
ブラックアウトする burakku auto suru Black out
そのあいだ sono aida Meanwhile
がる tachiagaru Get up
不安ふあんになる fuan ni naru Get anxious, get worried
暴走ぼうそうする bousou suru Go out of control
近未来きんみらい kinmirai Near future
恐怖きょうふ体験たいけんする kyoufu o taiken suru Experience the fear

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