Tweet of the Week #27

Cooking. It’s an art everyone has to master at one point or another. But on the road to cooking mastery, we’re all bound to have a few, erm, accidents along the way. That’s what we learned on Twitter last week when the hashtag #お料理（りょうり）ヘタクソ選手権（せんしゅけん） (“Competition for the worst cook”) made it to the top of the list.

Brace yourself, epic pics are coming

Japanese people are quite enthusiastic when it comes to making food look fun. But the scientific complexity of cooking can quickly turn what should have been kawaii (cute) into a monstrous creation.

Slime is the mascot of the Dragon Quest role-playing video game franchise. Here he is fresh out of the oven looking like he’s drunk six pints of sake.

スライムできt…！し、死んでる……#お料理ヘタクソ選手権 pic.twitter.com/mFVa87N3cz

— みーしゃ (@___schwarzmixa) April 14, 2019

スライムできt…！し、死（し）んでる… = I’ve made Slimes… D…Dying…*

OK. These cookies below actually looked pretty good before the passing of time ruined them.

次の日ちゃんと成功しました…#お料理ヘタクソ選手権 pic.twitter.com/qlSoaDODpT

— 天野名雪 (@7yuki_amano) April 13, 2019

次（つぎ）の日（ひ）ちゃんと成功（せいこう）しました… = The next day was successful…

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get away from these terrifying cupcakes.

https://twitter.com/rinchanshika1/status/1116965828031733761

見本（みほん）通（とお）りにはいかない = Can’t make it like the model

We can’t even begin to fathom what this hideousness below was supposed to be. Is it a sumo wrestler? What’s with the bacon diaper?

5000年振りだな…地球の空気を吸うのは…とか言いそう

#お料理ヘタクソ選手権 pic.twitter.com/l6jQQwlTRV

— こたるー (@kotakunchansan) April 14, 2019

5000年振（ねんぶ）りだな…地球（ちきゅう）の空気（くうき）を吸（す）うのは…とか言（い）いそう = “Breathing in (the earth’s air) for the first time in 5000 years…” I can almost hear him saying…

This person discovered the secret ingredient to their parents’ signature tuna rice dish: a spoon.

私の親もお料理ヘタクソ選手権エントリー出来るぞ
焦がせばいいじゃないんだよ　時代はスプーンも
一緒に炊き込んでしまうシーチキンご飯なんだよ。 pic.twitter.com/SNqjMeRIE1

— のらいぬ。 (@malegorilla) April 14, 2019

私（わたし）の親（おや）もお料理ヘタクソ選手権エントリー出来（でき）るぞ
焦（こ）がせばいいじゃないんだよ　時代（じだい）はスプーンも
一緒（いっしょ）に炊（た）き込（こ）んでしまうシーチキンご飯（はん）なんだよ。

My folks can enter the competition for the worst cooks, too. Not only the food is burnt, but we’re now facing a new era of tuna rice cooked with spoon…

Last but not least, lots of aspiring chefs should maybe review the basics to avoid burning their kitchen to the ground.

これは燃えたパスタと突如出現したカルシファー
#お料理ヘタクソ選手権 pic.twitter.com/n1ROWAR0jN

— 真っ暗子 (@black_minminmin) April 13, 2019

これは燃（も）えたパスタと突如（とつじょ）出現（しゅつげん）したカルシファー = Pictures of burning pasta and the sudden appearance of Calcifer

Calcifer is the fire demon from the Studio Ghibli movie Howl’s Moving Castle.

How to express following an example or instructions in Japanese

Are recipes really necessary? The debate stands between those who love to improvise and those who’d rather follow the instructions in the cookbook. In Japanese, when you want to express following (or not) an example or instructions you’ve been given, you use the word 通（とお）り.

You’ll generally translate the expression with “as” or “like” in “do as”, “do like in”.

• V (casual form) + 通り

さっき私（わたし）が言（い）った通りにしてください = Please do as I’ve said before

• Nの + 通り

説明書（せつめいしょ）の通りに作（つく）ってください = Please use as instructed in the manual

• N + 通り

お手本（てほん）通り書（か）けない = I can’t write like the model shows (for example when you are writing kanji)

For more on learning Japanese

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