Cooking. It’s an art everyone has to master at one point or another. But on the road to cooking mastery, we’re all bound to have a few, erm, accidents along the way. That’s what we learned on Twitter last week when the hashtag #お料理ヘタクソ選手権 (“Competition for the worst cook”) made it to the top of the list.
Brace yourself, epic pics are coming
Japanese people are quite enthusiastic when it comes to making food look fun. But the scientific complexity of cooking can quickly turn what should have been kawaii (cute) into a monstrous creation.
Slime is the mascot of the Dragon Quest role-playing video game franchise. Here he is fresh out of the oven looking like he’s drunk six pints of sake.
— みーしゃ (@___schwarzmixa) April 14, 2019
スライムできt…！し、死んでる… = I’ve made Slimes… D…Dying…*
OK. These cookies below actually looked pretty good before the passing of time ruined them.
— 天野名雪 (@7yuki_amano) April 13, 2019
次の日ちゃんと成功しました… = The next day was successful…
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get away from these terrifying cupcakes.
— ぴよまる🐤 (@rinchanshika1) April 13, 2019
見本通りにはいかない = Can’t make it like the model
We can’t even begin to fathom what this hideousness below was supposed to be. Is it a sumo wrestler? What’s with the bacon diaper?
— こたるー (@kotakunchansan) April 14, 2019
5000年振りだな…地球の空気を吸うのは…とか言いそう = “Breathing in (the earth’s air) for the first time in 5000 years…” I can almost hear him saying…
This person discovered the secret ingredient to their parents’ signature tuna rice dish: a spoon.
— のらいぬ。 (@malegorilla) April 14, 2019
My folks can enter the competition for the worst cooks, too. Not only the food is burnt, but we’re now facing a new era of tuna rice cooked with spoon…
Last but not least, lots of aspiring chefs should maybe review the basics to avoid burning their kitchen to the ground.
— 真っ暗子 (@black_minminmin) April 13, 2019
これは燃えたパスタと突如出現したカルシファー = Pictures of burning pasta and the sudden appearance of Calcifer
Calcifer is the fire demon from the Studio Ghibli movie Howl’s Moving Castle.
How to express following an example or instructions in Japanese
Are recipes really necessary? The debate stands between those who love to improvise and those who’d rather follow the instructions in the cookbook. In Japanese, when you want to express following (or not) an example or instructions you’ve been given, you use the word 通り.
You’ll generally translate the expression with “as” or “like” in “do as”, “do like in”.
- V (casual form) + 通り
さっき私が言った通りにしてください = Please do as I’ve said before
- Nの + 通り
説明書の通りに作ってください = Please use as instructed in the manual
- N + 通り
お手本通り書けない = I can’t write like the model shows (for example when you are writing kanji)
|パイの実||pai no mi||Pie No Mi (a Japanese snack brand)|
|予定||yotei||(a) plan, expected, intended|
|スライム||suraimu||Slime (from Dragon Quest)|
|できる||dekiru||able (to do something)|
|次の日||tsugi no hi||next day|
|にはいかない||ni ha ikanai||cannot, doesn’t happen (~as planned, as suggested)|
|X年振り||nenburi||for the first time in X years…|
|炊き込む||takikomu||cook something with rice|
|カルシファー||karushifaa||Calcifer (from Howl’s Moving Castle)|
|さっき||sakki||earlier, just now|
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