First there was Higashiyama Zoo’s handsome gorilla, Shabani, figuratively flooding women’s basements across Nagoya. Now, there’s a new sexy beast causing a stir on Japanese Twitter. Though when we say beast, it’s a rather small one with two very big assets — as was gleefully pointed out by users earlier this month.
Meet the squirrel who’s packing some serious firepower in the cleavage division that would put 17th century milkmaids to shame.
Cue heavy breathing.
— ぼぶ (@boblim1204) October 9, 2018
The tweet captioned in Japanese reads 「今日リス園にも行ったけどむっちゃセクシーなリス撮れた」which translates to: “I went to the squirrel park today and got a shot of this sexy squirrel babe.”
So far the well-endowed squirrel has amassed more than 142,000 likes and more than 47,000 retweets across Japan and is now gaining notoriety globally.
Japanese Twitter is #thirsty
It’s obvious from Japan’s gravitation to all things kawaii (cute) and their love of cosplay that the next natural step is being thirsty for animals. As far as “Ikemen” gorilla Shabani goes, he attracted the lustful gaze of Japan’s female population through his massive pecs, thick legs and brooding BDE (look it up), and the rest of the world quickly followed.
Now, this little squirrel is racking up the numbers in her own right to join the ranks alongside Roco, the Shiba Inu —who serves bedroom eyes on the daily — and of course kaiju king, Godzilla, who is basically Japan’s monster version of if Elvis Presley and a lump of coal had a love child.
Hakuna your tatas, it’s not what you think
But what exactly is going on with the squirrel’s bust in the photo?
Luckily, National Geographic were on hand to clarify. What we see in the photo are apparently not the squirrel’s mammary glands. Squirrels have nipples that go all the way up and down their front, rather than two being centered on the pectoral region.
According to Ben Dantzer, an integrative biologist at the University of Michigan, the squirrel’s proximity to humans means its diet is likely filled with garbage and fatty foods.
So the squirrel is just… fat.
Still this hasn’t stopped other Twitter users from serving up their own assessments:
@udegehusahusa5 confirmed that the squirrel was indeed sexy:
— ダムダムゾンゲルゲムラサメロリンセクシー100℃ (@udegehusahusa5) October 10, 2018
This woman expressed jealousy at the squirrel’s genetic fortune over her own, lamenting “It’s boobs are bigger than mine”:
— おと えり (@keika27131) October 10, 2018
@katutter_immediately spotted a resemblance to a famous Disney duo:
— 勝田名人 (@katutter_) October 10, 2018
While user @JimmyLowen came up with a new term for this particular pose:
— Jimmy (@JimmyLoewen) October 24, 2018
No doubt if she ever gets tired of cracking acorns the saucy Sciurus can live out her days off of gravure magazine royalties and be forever immortalized at furry fandom conventions across the globe.
Still we have so many questions. Why does Japan have a thing for sexifying animals? Is it that Japanese animals are simply sexier? Most importantly, what will the next sexy animal twitter sensation will be?
Perhaps a capybara with an ass that won’t quit?