The Japan Family Planning Association reported in 2024 that roughly half of all marriages in Japan are sexless. Participants surveyed cited long work hours, childrearing and a sense that married sex is plain old mendokusai (bothersome) as reasons for giving up on getting busy. But does this trend hold true even in international relationships? And what can you do to bring back intimacy if the sex has stopped in your own marriage?
Sexless Marriages in Japan
A 2024 survey by the Japan Family Planning Association (JFA) found that nearly half of married individuals (48.3%) aged 16–49 reported being in sexless relationships—defined as having sex less than once a month. This is up from 31.9% in 2004, showing a steady decline in marital intimacy in Japan.
While 80% of Japanese men expressed interest in sex, 40% of women said they weren’t interested at all. The reasons for sexlessness also differed:
- For men, the top complaint (24%) was a disinterested partner.
- For women, 22.6% said sex was simply “too much hassle”—nearly double the percentage of men (12%) who felt the same.
A side-effect is infidelity. Modern-day cheating culture in Japan is complex, but tacit approval of discreet extramarital affairs is not uncommon. In other countries, adultery is often a death sentence for a marriage. In Japan, it may just be one more outlet that allows couples to hold a family together.
Why Don’t Japanese Women Want Sex?
Of course, every relationship is different, but there’s no denying that sexless marriages are a widespread issue in Japan. Many foreign men struggle to understand why their once-affectionate partners seem to shut down after marriage or kids. Is it a cultural difference? A biological factor? Or is it just an unfortunate side effect of modern life?
Work-Life (Or Lack Thereof) Balance
Japan’s brutal work culture doesn’t just affect salarymen—it’s exhausting for women, too. Many wives work full-time jobs, only to come home and take on the bulk of household chores as well. Research shows that Japanese men contribute less to housework than their counterparts in Western countries, leaving many wives feeling overworked and underappreciated. In fact, the OECD found that Japanese men do the lowest proportion of household chores of all nations surveyed.
So when bedtime rolls around, intimacy isn’t exactly a priority. If a woman is already exhausted, the idea of sex can feel like just another chore on the list.
Motherhood Changes Everything
If marriage slows down sex, having kids can bring it to a screeching halt. In Japan, young children often co-sleep with their parents for years, making privacy almost impossible. Add to that small apartments with thin walls, and finding time for intimacy becomes a logistical nightmare. Moreover, childcare is another area in which working Japanese women frequently do more than their fair share.
But it’s not just a space issue—it’s a mindset shift. Many Japanese couples stop seeing each other as romantic partners after kids enter the picture. Spouses start referring to each other as “otousan” (dad) and “okaasan” (mom), reinforcing the idea that their relationship has evolved into something purely parental. For many foreign husbands, this cultural shift can be a shock.
International Marriages and Sex in Japan.
This can be a shock for foreigners starting a family in Japan. While most expect intimacy to take a hit with young children, they also assume it will return over time. But for many Japanese couples, once you become “mama” or “papa,” the romantic spark is gone for good—leaving some foreign spouses facing an unexpected and frustrating reality.
Online forums and subreddits like JapanLife are filled with stories, jokes, and pleas for help from foreigners who feel trapped in sexless marriages. While it’s often said that women have lower libidos than men, this alone doesn’t explain why Japanese women, in particular, seem to lose interest in sex after marriage.
International marriages in Japan are more likely to end in divorce, with over half failing—compared to 35.5% for Japanese couples. Among Western spouses, sexlessness is often cited as a key reason for separation, highlighting deeper cultural differences in expectations of intimacy after marriage.
Dealing with a Sexless Marriage in Japan
If you’re in a sexless marriage with your Japanese partner and want to make a change, start by having an honest conversation—though many admit this is tough due to cultural differences in communication. Nevertheless, addressing the issue directly is essential.
Open Communication
Starting a candid discussion about intimacy can be difficult, but it’s crucial for a healthy relationship. Find a calm, private time to talk, and focus on expressing your feelings rather than placing blame.
Understanding Cultural and Personal Differences
Attitudes toward physical affection vary widely. Many Japanese people were raised in non-affectionate households, which can lead to discomfort with physical touch or differing expectations in marriage. Recognizing these differences can help set realistic expectations.
Maintaining Daily Gestures of Affection
Small daily expressions of love can help strengthen your emotional connection. Simple gestures like saying “I love you,” giving compliments, showing appreciation, or engaging in non-sexual physical touch (like holding hands or hugging) can make a difference.
- Saying “I love you” regularly.
- Offering compliments.
- Expressing gratitude for everyday tasks.
- Engaging in non-sexual physical touch, like hugging or holding hands.
Assessing Compatibility
If your intimacy-needs remain unmet despite efforts to improve the situation, it may be time to evaluate long-term compatibility. Some couples choose to stay together for family stability, while others may need to rethink their relationship dynamics.
Finding a Couple’s Counselor
Discussing intimacy issues can be tough in any culture, but in Japan—where indirect communication is the norm—it can feel nearly impossible. A bilingual therapist can help bridge this gap, making it easier to navigate sensitive conversations and explore possible solutions.
While couples counseling is less common in Japan than in some other countries, services do exist:
- TELL offers in-person couples counseling in Tokyo and Okinawa, as well as online sessions.
- International Mental Health Professionals Japan provides a directory of foreign-language counselors in Japan, including those who specialize in couples therapy.
- For more details on counseling options in Tokyo, check out this guide to individual and couples counseling in Japan.
Why do you think sexless marriages are so common in Japan? Do you have any experience of your own? Let us know in the comments.
This site is protected by reCAPTCHA - Privacy Policy - Terms of Service
I and my Japanese partner have been together for 20 years, have a teenage kid and live in my country. Our sexlife was very satisfying in the beginning but rapidly deteriorated once our kid arrived. We have not been intimate in fifteen years and she seems content with that. We now sleep in separate rooms by my initiative (my silent way of signalling that I consider our relaitonship to be permanently terminated) and I have no remaining romantic or sexual interest in her. We have an interesting and rewarding family life, but I feel terribly betrayed and abandoned, and make sure to treat her like a colleague nothing else.
It’s no news; everybody knows the cause and effect of sexlessness in this country. The writer gave most of the points but was beating about the bush.
I, a Nigerian who has been living here for over five years, don’t like sex. I love it, but now I can’t say the same. This Japanese system is inhumane; the system is turning human beings into robots/humanoids. The natives totally lost it to their bourgeoisie. The bourgeoisie in this country are too wicked; they have no single pity for humans. All they want is work, pay, pay, and you become useless, less human zombies as I see it.
No normal human being in his or her right senses will see how the system works and will continue having sex in marriage better get it elsewhere with little or no commitment.
Don’t get me wrong; the Japanese don’t like sex; they love it. The reason you see porn, sex shop, and all sort of avenues for sex everywhere, anywhere except in marriages; why？
There are two reasons, in my opinion. Firstly, as stated above, the work ethic in this country is hell. Everybody works their ass dry, rendered useless for self or partners. Coupled with this exhaustive work ethic is a relatively low gain; the more you work, the more you are dying, and the more tax you pay for the bourgeoisie. They take massive amounts away from your hard-earned money through various taxes. With little left, your purchasing power is hindered by inflation. It is killing. I often ask why there are huge taxes, and the response is the government protecting, defending, and building the nation. I ask, for who？ The bougeoisies or the people？ People work too much for the quality of life; for me, it isn’t worth it. After all the work and earnings, you are useless for yourself or your partner; that’s BS. The solution to this point is the work rate/ tax should be brought down to the human level for people to continue to live and enjoy life like where I come from, with less work and plenty of energy for play, sex, and, in turn, children. Identical to India and China, to mention a few. People should be treated as humans, forget war or defense, and forget competition against neighbors. Embrace cooperation as we are all human.
My second reason for this hullaballoo is responsibility. With marriage comes plenty of sex, which leads to children, which costs a lot. Couples that understand what’s happening in this country won’t want to bring more children to this system. The decline in birthrate is due to a reduction in energy for recreation. The panacea to ameliorate this challenge is government intervention in supporting growing families. If people see that it is guaranteed and the future isn’t opaque, more children will be born, and the country’s economy will rise again. It’s currently in decline because the future isn’t promising for the majority except for the bourgeoisie.
The people need to stand up against these wicked, callous bourgeoisie who care not about anything other than self-elevation. Fewer people stand against this oppression-garnished package in modernity. The people are walking-dead zombies.
Let’s face. It, most men, especially Japanese men, engage in ethnocentric sex, as opposed to sex centered around pleasing their partners. There is no way that a woman will refuse sex if you are making her pituitary gland flood her brain with oxytocin on a regular basis.
Japanese women especially, are so not used to orgasms. So it really doesn’t take much for them to become addicted. That has been my experience since moving here in 2001. It continues to be my experience. I have a neglected housewife near my house who is completely losing her mind, because after 2 1/2 years, I’ve now deprived her of her weekly pleasures for the last four months.
And you don’t even have to have intercourse, just find them to orgasm. It’s not rocket science. Just make them come. I guarantee you, you will not be having a sexless marriage if you change your focus from pleasing yourself to pleasing your partner.
But hey, I’m very happy with the status quo here in Japan. Japanese man, please continue to neglect your wives. I will continue to do the honors.
I am married to japanese wife, my marrige is sexless 100% – we have been married for 20 years and have four children – i have lost my self confidence and feel rejected by my wife, how to wake up in the morning with a smile and provide good mood to family breakfast when my wife has rejected me? This also leads to being afraid of suggesting activities or initiatives, and me being depressed. The best part is actually working days when we spend less time together, i also prefer to sleep in separate rooms since its reduces the potential for getting expectation and rejections. I love my wife and want to remain close to my children. its been going on for five years and I am afraid of not being happy again. The physical part of sex is not that important but being appreciated is – i feel my wife is now a robot.
Behind sexless marriages, there are countless reasons that go far deeper than the ones mentioned above.
As a biologist and neurologist, I could list numerous factors contributing to this behavior in humans—ranging from climate change to diet, from genetic mutations adapting to the environment to psychological influences.
The landscape of sexless marriages is infinitely complex when examined with sufficient data and information.
In short, Mother Nature is constantly adapting infinite changes and circumstances to maintain a balance beyond the grasp of our limited minds.
Simplistic and ignorant approaches will only waste time and energy.